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What’s a website about dads without an article about dad jokes? Below we have 40 of the best dad jokes that will make your children cringe. Each one captures the essence about what makes a great dad joke: they’ll make you laugh and roll your eyes at the same time. The magic of a funny dad joke lies in its ability to be as cheesy or embarrassing as it is clever. If you’re in the mood to simultaneously annoy and entertain, behold our top 40 funny dad jokes.
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1. I startled my next-door neighbor with my new electric power tool. I had to calm him down by saying “Don’t worry, this is just a drill!”
2. What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him at chess? Checkmatey.
3. I burned 2000 calories today, I left my food in the oven for too long.
4. I broke my arm in two places. My doctor told me to stop going to those places.
5. I quit my job at the coffee shop the other day. It was just the same old grind over and over.
6. I never buy anything that has Velcro with it, it’s a total rip-off.
7. I used to work at a soft drink can crushing company, it was soda pressing.
8. I wondered why the frisbee kept on getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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9. I was going to tell you a fighting joke but I forgot the punch line.
10. What is the most groundbreaking invention of all time? The shovel.
11. I’m starting my new job at a restaurant next week. I can’t wait.
12. I visited a weight loss website, they told me I have to have cookies disabled.
13. Did you hear about the famous Italian chef that recently died? He pasta way.
14. Broken guitar for sale – no strings attached.
15. I could never be a plumber, it’s too hard watching your life’s work go down the drain.
16. I cut my finger slicing cheese the other day but I think I may have grater problems than that.
17. What time did you go to the dentist yesterday? Tooth-hurty.
18. I, for one, like Roman numerals.
19. What kind of music do astronauts listen to? Neptunes.
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20. Rest in peace, boiled water. You will be mist.
21. What is the only concert in the world that costs 45 cents? 50 Cent, featuring Nickelback.
22. It’s not a dad bod, it’s a father figure.
23. My wife recently went on a tropical food diet and now our house is full of this stuff. It’s enough to make a mango crazy.
24. What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate clauses.
25. Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.
26. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is extremely big and heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
27. I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today in the oven, I should have cooked it on aloha temperature.
28. Anyone can be buried when they die, but if you want to be cremated then you have to urn it.
29. Where did Captain Hook get his hook? From the second-hand store.
30. I am such a good singer that people always ask me to sing solo…solo that they can’t hear me. Sometimes they ask me to sing tenor as well…tenor twelve miles away.
31. Occasionally to relax I just like to tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
32. What did the glass of wine say to the glass of beer? Nothing. They barley knew each other.
33. I’ve never trusted stairs. They are always up to something.
34. Why did Shakespeare’s wife leave him? She got sick of all the drama.
35. I just bought a dictionary but all of the pages are blank. I have no words to describe how mad I am.
36. If you want to get a job at the moisturizer factory you’re going to have to apply daily.
37. I don’t know what’s going to happen next year. It’s probably because I don’t have 2020 vision.
38. Want to hear a joke about going to the bathroom? Urine for a treat.
39. I couldn’t figure out how to use the seat belt. Then it just clicked.
40. I got an email the other day teaching me how to read maps backwards, turns out it was just spam.
And there you have it – dad jokes that are so bad, they’re good. Or maybe they’re so good that they’re actually bad? We’ll never really have this figured out but that’s precisely why we love dad jokes. We hope you enjoyed wincing in embarrassment reading these 40 best dad jokes as much as we did.
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